Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My dick has a subreddit
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
