and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
