If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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