im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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