The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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