I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I need a beard to bite.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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