You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
