you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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