Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Let's get the cat blown out
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
