Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
