My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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