I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
