man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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