And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
