Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she smelled like a LAN party
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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