If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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