Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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