I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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