Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
