So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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