is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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