I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
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Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
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And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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