I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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