Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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