I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
