on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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