She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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