so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Randomize
