i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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