The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My feet surprised me
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