You really coming over, don't trick.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
