we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
