I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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