cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
