foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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