i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
