new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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