And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
