So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
