there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
