Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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