Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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