Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
