remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize