Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
