We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
