The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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