who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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