There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
