so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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