i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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