I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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