it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
