There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
