Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
