is your mom at the bar?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i've created a new STD.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
