forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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