A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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