I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
