it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
