I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
