i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize