He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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