i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
