and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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