the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
