can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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