Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
