i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
