take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
