Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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